Happy Mothers Day to all those out there who are mothers. By biology...or adoption...or the men who have had to step up and be a mother....or those who are parenting their children's children. Mothering is not simply an act of giving birth - it is so much more....... and so there is this day set aside to honour our mothers.
And every year I would get my feelings hurt when Mothers Day didn't go as I pictured it 'should be'. Oh, I would get some Hallmark cards and maybe a gift or two...but basically, mothers day still involved me doing laundry..and cooking...and cleaning..and really getting pissed off that I was 'not appreciated around here'. And then one day I had an AHA moment. It was MOTHERS Day....I was a MOTHER. This day was for me to do whatever I wanted to do - not a day for me to create a vision of what I wanted.......and so I started a tradition with my best friend.
We get up early, we hit Starbucks and grab a coffee, then we get on the ferry and spend the day in Seattle at Pike Place Market. We go to all of our favourite shops - we start with breakfast at Le Panier - a true french bakery, where we have a jambon morney. This little creation is too heavenly to describe to do it justice. Suffice it to say that it is layer upon layer of flaky pastry that surrounds thin slices of ham and Swiss cheese all baked in buttery goodness. A good start to a day created to celebrate all that I do as a mum yes?
We then hit Sur la Table for all of our dreamy kitchen gadgets and where we each buy ourselves a nice little something that we have dreamed of having in our kitchens - we are both foodies after all! This year I bought myself four mini fluted pans. Perfect for mini quiches, or fruit tarts....or simply to look at and sigh. I also bought dill pickle popcorn seasoning as a fun thing to put on our popcorn (we all love dill pickle chips, so maybe dill pickle popcorn?).
Then we hit Giada de Laurentiis's family market. If you do not know who she is, check her out on food network. She is a sweetheart of an Italian chef who makes cooking look easy..and who gives us inspiration for our own family meals. This year I bought some delicious looking 'real' Italian egg noodles for some pasta dish I shall make, and some authentic pepperoni sausages for Mark - love a man who loves his meat (and I shall not go any further with THAT topic!)
After those three stops, we simply wander the market. The cacophony of sounds and sights is enough to fill up one's senses. I have always said that I am not a crafty person. But I do have an 'art' form that I indulge in and that is cooking and baking. The creativity that surrounds a good meal is soothing to my soul, and so a whole market dedicated to fresh, whole, seasonal food is just what I need to fill up my soul. We always find a fun place for lunch - this year it was a hole in the wall place that served up fantastic sandwiches on ciabatta bread that we ate at a tin table on a cobblestone alley.
It is a day of girlfriends bonding, of good food being eaten, of ideas being added to our 'art form'.....we collect spices, recipes, and pantry basics to create meals for the months to come. This day has become a gift that I give myself. I spend quality, uninterrupted time with my bestie, and I get to visit all the shops that really call to me.
And most importantly, I have taken the pressure off of my husband and children. Mothers Day is now perfect. It is EXACTLY as I envision it, because I make it happen - I create it. And know what? The cards I get and what is written in them have become more personal since I have taken the pressure off of them. Why should they have to be mind readers and fulfill my idea of a perfect mothers day? That is not their job. Just as my happiness is not their job. Happiness is an internal thing - something I must find within myself. And so Mothers Day is now the same thing - it has become something I allow myself to acknowledge within myself. Instead of expecting others to tell me that I am a great mum and am appreciated, I allow myself to say that. I am a GOOD mum. I am appreciated. And I celebrate that by doing what I want to do for this entire day.
And so I come home at the end of this day and throw on a load of laundry. And maybe I cook some dinner. But do you know what? It doesn't matter, because this day was PERFECT. From the cards full of genuine words of love and adoration from my husband and children, to the exquisite gift they chose for me, to the day spent with the best friend a girl could have........
So my words to you mums out there are simply this: Mothers Day is YOUR day. Don't expect others to make it perfect, YOU need to make it what YOU envision. Take this one day to focus on yourself. After all, a mother who appreciates herself? Well, she is a better mother and is appreciated by all. Trust me. I have learned this lesson the hard way. I am blessed and loved and appreciated. But I couldn't see it until I acknowledged it myself.
Hugs to you all,
Jaye
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
We are the ONLY true one....
For the first 30 years of my life I belonged to a very fundamental religion. I was able to escape and have had a fantastic life since. This post isn't about bashing this particular religion (Jehovah's Witness for those who are wondering) or any religion for that matter. What this post is about is the mistaken belief that any one religion, any one group of people are the 'chosen ones'.
I have quite a few blogs that I faithfully follow. They vary in subject matter, author style, and interest. I have two that are interesting to follow when you follow them BOTH. Both are written by gals with the same religious background (not JW for those who are wondering!). One is still very active in her religion and along with her husband, they are raising their five children to be active, involved members of this sect. The other gal is a single mum of two who used to be an active member of this religion but left sometime during her college years. The juxtaposition of reading one devoted member versus the one that left makes for an interesting read. From what I can gather through their blogs, they are both funny, kind, gentle women who are great mums.
The other day I was reading the blog of the active member who is currently on vacation in Europe with her husband. Their five children are state side being looked after by various friends and family members (all of the same church!). The mums blog entries this week are in the form of letters to her children. "This is what daddy and I did today" type postings. A good, fun read......until I got to her latest post.
It seems her and her hubby went to a church of their sect in Denmark. It is a beautiful church (as most churches in Europe are...heck, any building a few hundred years old is going to be magnificent!) and this mum obviously enjoyed visiting. The pictures she took of it are great. Then she said "I love that almost anywhere you go in the world, you can find and feel the spirit that can only be felt in a ( I am leaving the name of her religion out) church". Really? So YOUR religions buildings of worship are the ONLY ones that one can feel the spirit in? How about my friends who are Catholic? Do you think they sit in church on Sunday thinking "loving the sermon, but man is the spirit lacking..I really should be a _________". NO! Every person of faith finds the comfort of the spirit in their church, or in their religious traditions. I find it very arrogant for someone to say that ONLY in THEIR religious places of worship can one feel the spirit. Arrogant, rude, and judgmental.
While I love reading this blog, I am feeling that I need to delete it from my repertoire. I had enough of this type of 'ours is the ONLY one' bullshit when I was a JW. I feel that to keep reading her blog (which supports her and her family btw!) is to support such bigotry. Not sure I want to support someone who feels this way. Is she entitled to love her religion? Yes. Should she embrace her faith? Yes! Should she raise her children in her faith? Yes! Should she preach to all who read her blog, and teach her children that ONLY this religion has the spirit? NO...we are all walking our own path of faithfulness. No one is better or worse than another. We are all just trying to get along on this great big globe. Posts like hers do not add a positive tone to the karmic universe.
Hugs to you all,
Jaye
I have quite a few blogs that I faithfully follow. They vary in subject matter, author style, and interest. I have two that are interesting to follow when you follow them BOTH. Both are written by gals with the same religious background (not JW for those who are wondering!). One is still very active in her religion and along with her husband, they are raising their five children to be active, involved members of this sect. The other gal is a single mum of two who used to be an active member of this religion but left sometime during her college years. The juxtaposition of reading one devoted member versus the one that left makes for an interesting read. From what I can gather through their blogs, they are both funny, kind, gentle women who are great mums.
The other day I was reading the blog of the active member who is currently on vacation in Europe with her husband. Their five children are state side being looked after by various friends and family members (all of the same church!). The mums blog entries this week are in the form of letters to her children. "This is what daddy and I did today" type postings. A good, fun read......until I got to her latest post.
It seems her and her hubby went to a church of their sect in Denmark. It is a beautiful church (as most churches in Europe are...heck, any building a few hundred years old is going to be magnificent!) and this mum obviously enjoyed visiting. The pictures she took of it are great. Then she said "I love that almost anywhere you go in the world, you can find and feel the spirit that can only be felt in a ( I am leaving the name of her religion out) church". Really? So YOUR religions buildings of worship are the ONLY ones that one can feel the spirit in? How about my friends who are Catholic? Do you think they sit in church on Sunday thinking "loving the sermon, but man is the spirit lacking..I really should be a _________". NO! Every person of faith finds the comfort of the spirit in their church, or in their religious traditions. I find it very arrogant for someone to say that ONLY in THEIR religious places of worship can one feel the spirit. Arrogant, rude, and judgmental.
While I love reading this blog, I am feeling that I need to delete it from my repertoire. I had enough of this type of 'ours is the ONLY one' bullshit when I was a JW. I feel that to keep reading her blog (which supports her and her family btw!) is to support such bigotry. Not sure I want to support someone who feels this way. Is she entitled to love her religion? Yes. Should she embrace her faith? Yes! Should she raise her children in her faith? Yes! Should she preach to all who read her blog, and teach her children that ONLY this religion has the spirit? NO...we are all walking our own path of faithfulness. No one is better or worse than another. We are all just trying to get along on this great big globe. Posts like hers do not add a positive tone to the karmic universe.
Hugs to you all,
Jaye
Sunday, April 28, 2013
It took 18 years
I could write for hours on the backstory to Marks divorce. I will keep it simple. He was married very briefly before he married me and fathered a child with his ex wife. The ex wife left Mark, took their child, and moved back to Wisconsin. Appropriate legal papers were filed and life went on. Easy and smooth right? Guess again! What no one could have predicted was that his ex wife slowly unraveled over the years. She went from job to job (fired from each one for various reasons) and husband to husband (she is currently on number four!). She even moved to another country then moved back after 9 months. Through all of this, she dragged their daughter - and made life for us and for her daughter as stressful as she possibly could. Every visitation was a battle. Every phone call Mark made to their daughter was a struggle. Nothing was easy. Ever. But then nothing is easy when you are dealing with someone who has a borderline personality disorder.
But we are finished now. Their daughter is 18, she has graduated high school, and the issue of college is a moot point. It has only been a few days since the 'final' hurdle was jumped, but what a difference it has made in our home. We are not waiting for that other shoe to drop. We don't wait to see what new papers are going to be delivered to our attorneys office (we've had one on retainer for 17 years!). We can live our lives in peace now. No stress. Just calm. It is a glorious feeling and I am reveling in it.
But I am also sad. Sad that Mark and his daughter were cheated out of a good relationship. Sad that Marks daughter does not feel that she can have an open relationship with Mark and our family for fear of her mother going on a three day rant. I am sad that this child has had to have a parade of men in her life, each one being set up as 'dad' only to have him kicked out when her mother was done with them. She has had three 'dads' ripped out of her life, and that makes me sad for her. But I am a woman of Faith, and I believe that someday, somehow it will all come right again.
What makes me most happy is that I can open up this blog again and keep our family and friends up to date on our goings on - complete with pictures and commentary - without fear of it being turned into a court exhibit (yes, that happened!).
So, here is to the start of a new 'normal' for our family! A happy, stress free normal!
Hugs to you all,
Jaye
But we are finished now. Their daughter is 18, she has graduated high school, and the issue of college is a moot point. It has only been a few days since the 'final' hurdle was jumped, but what a difference it has made in our home. We are not waiting for that other shoe to drop. We don't wait to see what new papers are going to be delivered to our attorneys office (we've had one on retainer for 17 years!). We can live our lives in peace now. No stress. Just calm. It is a glorious feeling and I am reveling in it.
But I am also sad. Sad that Mark and his daughter were cheated out of a good relationship. Sad that Marks daughter does not feel that she can have an open relationship with Mark and our family for fear of her mother going on a three day rant. I am sad that this child has had to have a parade of men in her life, each one being set up as 'dad' only to have him kicked out when her mother was done with them. She has had three 'dads' ripped out of her life, and that makes me sad for her. But I am a woman of Faith, and I believe that someday, somehow it will all come right again.
What makes me most happy is that I can open up this blog again and keep our family and friends up to date on our goings on - complete with pictures and commentary - without fear of it being turned into a court exhibit (yes, that happened!).
So, here is to the start of a new 'normal' for our family! A happy, stress free normal!
Hugs to you all,
Jaye
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Again with the gun control...
Our country has had to face yet another massacre. Colorado had some crazy guy go into a theater during the new batman movie premiere and start shooting. The count is up to 12 dead and over 50 injured. Reading some of the posts and blogs from those who were there, I get just a glimpse of the terror that they felt.....I know however that no matter how good my imagination is, I don't even come close to actually getting a hint of what they felt.
Of course, now the rhetoric starts. Mr. Lets Ban Large Soda's from the City because THAT is the root cause of all the fat people has come up with yet another brilliant statement. Lets make gun laws tougher, lets make it harder for people to get guns. Does he not know that all this is going to do is make it harder for law abiding citizens to be armed? Those of us who can breeze through a background check and get a concealed weapons permit will now have to wait longer or even be denied because of tougher laws. Does he think this will stop the crazies? Because as long as there is money to be made, there will be people selling guns illegally. Which means that the criminals will still have complete access to weapons. Any time. Any where. And situations like that in Colorado will still happen.
I am just glad I am married to a United States Navy Medaled Expert Marksman who has passed the background check and who has a concealed weapons permit and who has a glock semi automatic that he carries wherever we go. Cause if our family is in a theater and this sort of crap happens, I know that there is at least a CHANCE that someone can take the piece of crap out before they can hurt any more innocent people. Call me a redneck if you want. I call myself a realist.
Hugs to you all,
Jaye
Of course, now the rhetoric starts. Mr. Lets Ban Large Soda's from the City because THAT is the root cause of all the fat people has come up with yet another brilliant statement. Lets make gun laws tougher, lets make it harder for people to get guns. Does he not know that all this is going to do is make it harder for law abiding citizens to be armed? Those of us who can breeze through a background check and get a concealed weapons permit will now have to wait longer or even be denied because of tougher laws. Does he think this will stop the crazies? Because as long as there is money to be made, there will be people selling guns illegally. Which means that the criminals will still have complete access to weapons. Any time. Any where. And situations like that in Colorado will still happen.
I am just glad I am married to a United States Navy Medaled Expert Marksman who has passed the background check and who has a concealed weapons permit and who has a glock semi automatic that he carries wherever we go. Cause if our family is in a theater and this sort of crap happens, I know that there is at least a CHANCE that someone can take the piece of crap out before they can hurt any more innocent people. Call me a redneck if you want. I call myself a realist.
Hugs to you all,
Jaye
Saturday, June 23, 2012
I may be old fashioned
So many of my girlfriends post pictures of themselves and their daughters on facebook having 'girl weekends' or 'girl time'. These are women my age with daughters Paiges age (13). I am not against 'girl time'. In fact, my girl and I went out for frozen yogurt yesterday as she had early release from school and we had an hour before we had to pick up her brother. We love our time together...and you can often find the two of us lost at Barnes and Noble scouring for our next good read, or sitting in Starbucks having a coffee and hot chocolate and a snack together. Mom and daughter time is great!
So what do I object to? I object to these women turning their 13 year old daughters into their slutty best friends! These girls are dressed in sexy, revealing clothes. Low ride jeans with crop tops and high heels or teeny tiny bikinis. And these moms are taking them for 'girl time' to big hotels and going out on the town (dressed in these sexy outfits).
So to all my fellow mothers let me say some things to you.
A) Your daughter is NOT your best friend. She is your daughter. She HAS best friends, and so should you. If you don't you need to work on that. You are her MOTHER. Which means you set the expectations and rules, and you guide her through this crazy journey of becoming a woman.
B) Do not let your daughter dress like a whore. There are several reasons for this - there are far too many men out there who have a thing for little girls. Don't make your daughter a walking target. If you let your daughter dress like this at a very young age, before she has developed a true sense of herself, then her sense of herself, her value, will be her body. She will believe that to dress sexy and get attention is how she is to proceed in the world. Women can be sexy and beautiful, but being smart is also a good thing! Yes, your daughter can dress pretty, and wear all those cute things you are too old or too fat to fit into...but seriously, when you dress her in high heels, low ride pants, and crop tops you look like a Madam with her girls. Seriously.
C) Girl time out with your daughter should be fun....clean innocent fun. Not a night out on the town pretending she is over 21 and is your best friend...if you have problems following this read A and B again. And again. And Again. Until you get the point that YOU are your daughters single most important influence. How she turns out as a woman is based mainly on you. The kinds of relationships she has is based mainly on her watching you and YOUR relationships.
Lets be the kinds of mothers that value being a woman. Lets be fun, healthy, smart, and pretty. Let's show our daughters what a strong, fun loving woman really looks like.....lets not train her to be 'that girl' that the entire football team knows about!
Hugs to you all....
Jaye
So what do I object to? I object to these women turning their 13 year old daughters into their slutty best friends! These girls are dressed in sexy, revealing clothes. Low ride jeans with crop tops and high heels or teeny tiny bikinis. And these moms are taking them for 'girl time' to big hotels and going out on the town (dressed in these sexy outfits).
So to all my fellow mothers let me say some things to you.
A) Your daughter is NOT your best friend. She is your daughter. She HAS best friends, and so should you. If you don't you need to work on that. You are her MOTHER. Which means you set the expectations and rules, and you guide her through this crazy journey of becoming a woman.
B) Do not let your daughter dress like a whore. There are several reasons for this - there are far too many men out there who have a thing for little girls. Don't make your daughter a walking target. If you let your daughter dress like this at a very young age, before she has developed a true sense of herself, then her sense of herself, her value, will be her body. She will believe that to dress sexy and get attention is how she is to proceed in the world. Women can be sexy and beautiful, but being smart is also a good thing! Yes, your daughter can dress pretty, and wear all those cute things you are too old or too fat to fit into...but seriously, when you dress her in high heels, low ride pants, and crop tops you look like a Madam with her girls. Seriously.
C) Girl time out with your daughter should be fun....clean innocent fun. Not a night out on the town pretending she is over 21 and is your best friend...if you have problems following this read A and B again. And again. And Again. Until you get the point that YOU are your daughters single most important influence. How she turns out as a woman is based mainly on you. The kinds of relationships she has is based mainly on her watching you and YOUR relationships.
Lets be the kinds of mothers that value being a woman. Lets be fun, healthy, smart, and pretty. Let's show our daughters what a strong, fun loving woman really looks like.....lets not train her to be 'that girl' that the entire football team knows about!
Hugs to you all....
Jaye
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Ok, so it's been awhile!
Almost a year in fact! So much has happened in this past year! Mark is loving retirement and doing very well with his new job as an oceanographic electrician - and has had two promotions in 18 months and is jonesing for another one soon! He's been told it usually takes guys 9 years to get to the point he has gotten in just under 2! He is truly a wonderful worker!
Speaking of work, I have a job! I have taken my degree in Legal Sciences and am a paralegal for a busy family/criminal law firm. There are two of us and we are kept hopping. Love my job and LOVE the people I work for/with. We are treated like family. The hours are perfect for our family (10:30-4:30), with the office closed at noon on Fridays (still getting paid for the full day!). In the summer the other Paralegal and I take turns having every other Friday off. See? Perfect job!
Sam is well established on his own. He is a starving/working college student. He is looking forward to moving in to an apartment with his best buddy in October and getting out of the place he is in. It will just be a better fit for him. He is in college to become either an ESL teacher in Japan OR a high school level Japanese teacher. He has not decided which path to take yet but it will involve Japanese somehow.
Paige is in Junior high and loving it. She is still in a gifted program but at the Junior High level it is called the "Magnet Program". She will do this to the end of grade 8 and then will take AP classes throughout the rest of high school. She will start the Running Start program in grade 11, which will allow her to have almost all her credits for an AA by the time she graduates high school. She has her life mapped out, right down to the University she will attend. I know that the best laid plans and all, but for now it is fun to watch her map it out.
Ben is still in the Venture program in grade 5. He will do this till the end of grade 6 and then follow in Paiges footsteps. He recently did the state wide testing for reading and math and his results put him 8 grade levels above where he is at! His teacher said the only reason he didn't get further in the math test was he doesn't know trigonometry - that he did the algebra part after he figured out all the formula on his own! He sure did NOT get his math gene from me!
Shelby is 18 and has graduated high school. This means we are DONE with her insane mothers CRAP. No more child support. Mary has filed for college tuition, but the attorney I work for is also Marks attorney and he has said that he will fight this for us for FREE and that Mary really has no chance. Shelby hasn't spoken to Mark in over 4 years, which is sad for both Mark and Shelby. As my best friend said, if Mary had just accepted Mark (and eventually me when we were married) into Shelbys life, we could have made a great support team for Shelby. Unfortunately, Mary could not do this and has caused remarkable turmoil in Shelby's life. Mary is now on husband number 4 (Mark was number one) so we shall see how much more damage she does to Shelby.
All in all, life is good. Busy and hectic. Relationships take work, and ours is not any different. After 14 years we are still together and are successfully navigating all the changes that have occurred (from full time sea duty to retirement is NOT an easy change!).....
Hugs to you all...
Jaye
Speaking of work, I have a job! I have taken my degree in Legal Sciences and am a paralegal for a busy family/criminal law firm. There are two of us and we are kept hopping. Love my job and LOVE the people I work for/with. We are treated like family. The hours are perfect for our family (10:30-4:30), with the office closed at noon on Fridays (still getting paid for the full day!). In the summer the other Paralegal and I take turns having every other Friday off. See? Perfect job!
Sam is well established on his own. He is a starving/working college student. He is looking forward to moving in to an apartment with his best buddy in October and getting out of the place he is in. It will just be a better fit for him. He is in college to become either an ESL teacher in Japan OR a high school level Japanese teacher. He has not decided which path to take yet but it will involve Japanese somehow.
Paige is in Junior high and loving it. She is still in a gifted program but at the Junior High level it is called the "Magnet Program". She will do this to the end of grade 8 and then will take AP classes throughout the rest of high school. She will start the Running Start program in grade 11, which will allow her to have almost all her credits for an AA by the time she graduates high school. She has her life mapped out, right down to the University she will attend. I know that the best laid plans and all, but for now it is fun to watch her map it out.
Ben is still in the Venture program in grade 5. He will do this till the end of grade 6 and then follow in Paiges footsteps. He recently did the state wide testing for reading and math and his results put him 8 grade levels above where he is at! His teacher said the only reason he didn't get further in the math test was he doesn't know trigonometry - that he did the algebra part after he figured out all the formula on his own! He sure did NOT get his math gene from me!
Shelby is 18 and has graduated high school. This means we are DONE with her insane mothers CRAP. No more child support. Mary has filed for college tuition, but the attorney I work for is also Marks attorney and he has said that he will fight this for us for FREE and that Mary really has no chance. Shelby hasn't spoken to Mark in over 4 years, which is sad for both Mark and Shelby. As my best friend said, if Mary had just accepted Mark (and eventually me when we were married) into Shelbys life, we could have made a great support team for Shelby. Unfortunately, Mary could not do this and has caused remarkable turmoil in Shelby's life. Mary is now on husband number 4 (Mark was number one) so we shall see how much more damage she does to Shelby.
All in all, life is good. Busy and hectic. Relationships take work, and ours is not any different. After 14 years we are still together and are successfully navigating all the changes that have occurred (from full time sea duty to retirement is NOT an easy change!).....
Hugs to you all...
Jaye
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