I shouldn't be surprised. I'm not actually. I AM sick of the cycle we go through though. Mary petitioned the courts to have Marks time with Shelby cut from 11 weeks a year to 5. As we didn't want to get into yet ANOTHER months long court battle, nor did we want to spend over $5000 fighting something that we KNEW we would win, we are letting it go. We are sick of fighting. It's been 14 years since their divorce. Enough is enough. And funny enough, we are actually very much at peace with this.
While here this summer, Mark had a few very honest, very long talks with Shelby and let her know that as she is almost 15 (amazing isn't it? Yikes!) it is up to her now to use her voice and say what she wants. More time with Dad? SAY something! Anyways, when Shelby is here, she is Marks shadow. Every time he leaves the house, even if it's just taking the trash out to the can, she leaps up 'where are you going Dad? Can I come?'. She goes everywhere with him. Tells him she loves him all the time. Hugs him. Leaps on his back. Teases him. Talks to him constantly about nothing and about everything. Once she is back at Marys, we never hear from her.
Prior to her coming out for spring break, Mark had called her once a week for six weeks and not one call was returned! FLAGRANT disregard to the court order on Marys behalf as each parent is obligated to make sure the child returns calls in a timely fashion. So I called last Monday and Shelby was not home. Mary answered the phone and I left a message with her to have Shelby call back. She did not call. All week. I called again today, left a message on the machine. I doubt she'll call back. Now keep in mind, when Shelby is here, Mary and her family (including family from Canada!) call Shelby the three times a week allowed by the court order (even though Shelby is there 47 weeks a year!). If we aren't home, they leave a message and we ALWAYS get Shelby to call back. Left to her own devices, Shelby calls her mom on average once every 8-10 days. But with her Mom and family calling HER, we make sure those calls are returned. If we didn't, well...we all know Mary would have a holy living FIT.
So now we are at another crossroads. This would make 8 missed calls. This is beyond a contemptible issue. So do we haul Mary into court for contempt? She's already been in contempt for this VERY issue in the past (she's been in contempt of court five times in the past four years!). She was fined $50 for each missed call. She was also 'officially' written up for contempt. What would one more contempt charge mean? Nothing really. Maybe another fine. Maybe another contempt charge. But the family courts do NOTHING else. She gets a slap on the wrist. Oh...she will make sure Shelby returns calls for a few months. Then we'll be back into this same pattern. And it's darn irritating. We know Shelby is not encouraged to return calls. We know Mary and her mother take EVERY opportunity to say horrible, nasty things about Mark and I to Shelby. We know Shelby is rewarded emotionally for ignoring our calls. Heck, the GAL we hired when we went for custody flat out told our old attorney (he retired!) that the ONLY reason he didn't recommend to the court that we get custody was that Shelby was so emotionally bullied and mentally battered by her mother that if we got custody, he feared it would only get worse. So there you have it.
The endless cycle we find ourselves in. Do we spend the 5-800 dollars to take her in for contempt? Do we just let this too go? Do we keep taking the high road and take solace in the fact that Shelby will be 18 in 3 1/2 years and can then have a relationship with her dad without us having to go through her mother to do it?
I don't know the answer to this. I don't want to keep Shelby in turmoil. I know if we go to court Mary will make it well known in her home what is happening and use it as another reason to spew about Mark to Shelby.
I don't want to waste money. But I do want to do all I can to make sure Mark and Shelby are able to have contact...even if it IS only once a week.
Ugh....
What I do know is that we are in the countdown to Shelby being 18. What I do know is she is going to have some very hard questions for her mother in future years. What I do know is that Shelby has been changed forever by her mothers actions.
What I do know is that this blended family thing can be one of the hardest emotional roller coaster rides you can ever take.
Hugs to all,
Jaye
2 comments:
I'm so sorry. I know that this is a really crappy situation. I know a woman here (a local court reporter) who seems to be Mary's long-lost soul sister. She, too, has made it her life's mission to make her ex's life a "living hell" (her words) while putting their son in the middle. To hear her talk about it...she's actually PROUD of herself! I don't get it. Some people are just sick.
I agree! They have been divorced for 14 years and she is hell bent on keeping their daughter away from Mark. But she is a loser in other areas of her life as well (ie she is a RN, was fired for falsifying a patients medical record etc) so we have learned not to take her issues 'personally'. She is nuts with everyone! hahaha...
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