Fathers Day!

So Happy Fathers Day everyone! :)

I know....it's a few weeks late! Mark was away on travel the weekend of fathers day so we waited until he came home today to celebrate. We bought him a new computer game (some war plotting thing...cause you know...being in the Navy he doesn't get enough of THAT!) and the first season of Ghost Hunter. We also bought him two new dress casual shirts as usual! Some wasabi almonds and cherry gum balls were also included in a bag...then while he was gone, I bought a ceramic mug and a special pen and the kids each wrote a message on the mug, which I then baked in a low temp oven for an hour and that was his 'homemade' gift. We then all went out to Aroy Dy, the worlds BEST Thai food restaurant (although we have been told several times now about a place on Bainbridge Island that we are going to try out next week which is apparently even BETTER than Aroy Dy...so we'll let you know the verdict on that!). As I type this, Mark and Shelby are playing rummy. Shelby has talked to her dad every day since she's been here and told him "I love you" every day too! When she is at her moms she does not return his calls (six unreturned calls in the past two months, although we are quite sure Mary simply doesn't tell Shelby when Mark calls) or when they DO talk, she is almost silent and NEVER will say "I love you"....after all, that would anger her mom. So, it is always nice when she is with us that she can just love her dad AND her mom (she can call her mom whenever she wants when she is here!) and not have to feel guilty for loving them both!

So...Happy Fathers Day!

Hugs
Jaye

My family tree

I don't often talk about my family or my childhood. The only positive thing I can say is that I have three brothers from it all, one of whom is just the best friend one could ever ask for! :)

So...why do I bring this topic up now? The past few months have been very interesting indeed thanks to internet technology. I recently started a 'facebook' page. I love facebook as it has allowed me to touch base with old high school friends, ex co workers...lots of friends from my past whom I really want to keep in touch with always...I have also 'been found' by people. Most of which are good experiences...some of which have given me pause.

Those that have given me cause to pause and think are members of my biological fathers family. I have chosen to not be in touch with these people for most of my life....the past 25 years or so. The reasons are very clear...most of them all keep in touch with each other, including my bio father. I have a permanent restraining order against this man due to him threatening me on two occasions to kill not only me but my children and actively seeking to do so (I have had police come to my home and measure it for an alarm system in the past!). Since moving to the States this threat is non existent simply because my whereabouts are not greatly advertised. My bio father is a vile human being. He is a convicted pedophile as well as a suspected rapist/murderer. As a child we moved every year, usually in the winter. I found out as an adult this was because every spring the snow would melt and a young girls body would be found and he wanted to be well away by the time that happened. (I am seriously NOT making this crap up!). Anywho..you can see why I'd be very reticent to keep in touch with anyone from his side of the nut tree! :)

I have been pleasantly surprised however! I have received many heartfelt apologies for what he did and their part in allowing him to keep in touch with my movements over the years. He has become an outcast in his family and the family is reaching out to my brothers and I.....I am cautious....but optimistic.

Now comes another thought on this topic....two events have simultaneously happened. A Seigo family reunion is being planned for August of 2009. I would like to attend but with my bio father still breathing on this planet, I am not willing to take the risk of showing up and having him appear as well......however, I have recently been told he is on his last legs and on all sorts of machinery in the hospital. Keep in mind, I have heard various versions of this story many times and so am currently trying to get verification of this. SO. If my bio father is dead by August of 2009 I will be attending a family reunion of people I haven't spoken to in 25 years....scary...exciting...strange....

And if my bio father dies? I won't be sad. I also won't celebrate. It will just be a well timed end to a very long, very painful part of my life. I won't wish him to hell.....but I won't waste my time grieving either....

I will keep you posted....

Hugs
Jaye

Sitting out the Dance

So we have come to another chapter in our lives. We are refusing to engage. Refusing to 'do the dance' any longer. Let me explain.

Marys latest attempt to batter our lives is to take Marks visitation with Shelby from 11 weeks a year down to 5. Our atty looked at it and told us there is NO judge who will allow it. She will NEVER get it. Then he asked for a $2500 dollar 'retainer fee' as this was a 'new motion' and then wanted $250 bucks an hour to further the fight. Mark is away on travel and so I took this info with me and ruminated about it until I could talk to him later in the day. By the time we would be finished just this one motion, we would have to have forked out almost $5000. For what? A judge to tell her YET AGAIN, that she is not going to get her way, stop filing frivolous motions and leave the courtroom? She has been in contempt of court five times already! She files motions like they are a dime a dozen. We think her parents, who are equally as sick as she is, are helping to fund this current flurry of motions (five and counting this month!). So....we are refusing to dance this round. We are calling Uncle and walking away. We do NOT want to lose visitation time with Shelby, but enough is enough. We do not want to keep throwing money into a never ending hole.......time to let it go.

Mark will get Shelby a month each summer (instead of 8 weeks)...he will get her every other spring break (instead of EVERY spring break) and every other Christmas (which is what we have now so that isn't a change). We are just done. We cannot keep borrowing money, we cannot keep scraping money together and giving up things we want to do, we can't keep sacrificing OUR families needs (let alone wants!) simply to keep up this 14 year old battle that Mary insists on constantly fighting. We are letting it go.

And it feels good! Shelby is old enough to see what is going on. She will be an adult in a few short years (three years and nine months to be exact). At that point in time, Mark can see her more if they both so desire....in the meantime, we will enjoy her for a few weeks a year.

We have a contempt issue we have to finish. She has charged Mark with contempt, and won't win as none of the issues are contemptable...but we DO have to fight that one. Then in September we have a child support hearing...yes, on top of all of this, Mary wants MORE money. And quite honestly that is what most of this is about. She regrets having left Mark. Her life has totally sucked for the past 14 years and she has regrets. Mark did not curl up and die when she left. He carried on and created a good life for himself...found a great wife and had more children. He is living the life she wanted to live and that she left. Regret causes people to be mean sometimes....and so she goes after him in the only two ways she thinks will hurt him the most. His child and his money. So let her have the child (we won't totally lose visitation!) and let her have some more money.

In the end, we still have a far superior life. And now that we aren't 'doing the dance', we'll have more money too! lolol...

Oh to win the lottery and obliterate her off the planet! lololol....

Hugs to all,
Jaye
ps...After all the court drama last week, Mary decided she could not afford to change Shelbys plane ticket on such short notice and so Shelby arrived as planned originally on Saturday! So we wasted another 1200 bucks or so just so Mary could screw around.....ugh. Maybe NEXT year we'll get to do some landscaping!!

Control Issues

So Shelby is 'supposedly' flying out tomorrow. However, the judge did rule that she could fly out two weeks later IF Mary abided by all the stipulations. Well.....here we are...24 hours away from Shelby flying and we have heard NOTHING from Mary as to whether or not Shelby will be flying out tomorrow or in two weeks. So...I am going to the airport tomorrow to pick Shelby up. If she is not on the plane, I will have to contact our atty (this costs us a bit of money, but as I have NOTHING to do with Mary, this is how I deal with it) and get an updated itinerary.....

Can you say 'Control Issues'? I have no idea why things need to be so difficult. I have had 12 years to contemplate this and figure it out. But I have no rational, logical answer other than we are not dealing with someone rational and logical!

Exactly four years today and we are done!

Let the countdown begin....

Hugs
Jaye

Court is OVER!!!!

Ok...court was this morning! I just got off the phone with our atty...and GOOD NEWS all around! We had put an offer on the table regarding the upcoming (next Saturday) visit. We had offered that Shelby could fly out two weeks later as Mary wanted, as long as A) she paid for the changes (now around 600 dollars) and B) as long as the two weeks was tacked onto the August end of the visit. Sounds simple and fair right? Well, for most of us it would be. But Mary wanted to go to court because she did NOT want to make up the two weeks, feeling that Mark already sees Shelby enough (ten weeks a year is all a parent needs right? lol) and she wanted Mark to pay half of whatever it would cost to change the ticket (they split the airfare each visit).
So what did the judge rule? IF mom was willing to tack on the two weeks at the August end of the visit and IF she was willing to pay for the ENTIRE amount of the change (gee..why didn't WE think of that! lol) then she could change it. Otherwise, Shelby flies out next Saturday!

Lets just say there is a storm a brewin in Stoughton today!! :)

Hugs,
Jaye

If Found, Please Contact

It seems Dad has 'lost' (yah...UH HUH) something (he knows what!). If anyone finds any money laying around, please let Dad know ASAP as he is worried (yah....). Personally, I think a full body cavity search is in order. I believe we will find it where the sun don't shine....and if he goes to HoChunk anytime in the next few days, my suspicions will be confirmed! :)

Love you Dad!!!

Hugs,
Jaye