Happy Mothers Day......I finally figured it out!

Happy Mothers Day to all those out there who are mothers. By biology...or adoption...or the men who have had to step up and be a mother....or those who are parenting their children's children. Mothering is not simply an act of giving birth - it is so much more....... and so there is this day set aside to honour our mothers.

And every year I would get my feelings hurt when Mothers Day didn't go as I pictured it 'should be'. Oh, I would get some Hallmark cards and maybe a gift or two...but basically, mothers day still involved me doing laundry..and cooking...and cleaning..and really getting pissed off that I was 'not appreciated around here'. And then one day I had an AHA moment. It was MOTHERS Day....I was a MOTHER. This day was for me to do whatever I wanted to do - not a day for me to create a vision of what I wanted.......and so I started a tradition with my best friend.

We get up early, we hit Starbucks and grab a coffee, then we get on the ferry and spend the day in Seattle at Pike Place Market. We go to all of our favourite shops - we start with breakfast at Le Panier - a true french bakery, where we have a jambon morney. This little creation is too heavenly to describe to do it justice. Suffice it to say that it is layer upon layer of flaky pastry that surrounds thin slices of ham and Swiss cheese all baked in buttery goodness. A good start to a day created to celebrate all that I do as a mum yes?

We then hit  Sur la Table for all of our dreamy kitchen gadgets and where we each buy ourselves a nice little something that we have dreamed of having in our kitchens - we are both foodies after all! This year I bought myself four mini fluted pans. Perfect for mini quiches, or fruit tarts....or simply to look at and sigh. I also bought dill pickle popcorn seasoning as a fun thing to put on our popcorn (we all love dill pickle chips, so maybe dill pickle popcorn?).

Then we hit Giada de Laurentiis's family market. If you do not know who she is, check her out on food network. She is a sweetheart of an Italian chef who makes cooking look easy..and who gives us inspiration for our own family meals. This year I bought some delicious looking 'real' Italian egg noodles for some pasta dish I shall make, and some authentic pepperoni sausages for Mark - love a man who loves his meat (and I shall not go any further with THAT topic!)

After those three stops, we simply wander the market. The cacophony of sounds and sights is enough to fill up one's senses. I have always said that I am not a crafty person. But I do have an 'art' form that I indulge in and that is cooking and baking. The creativity that surrounds a good meal is soothing to my soul, and so a whole market dedicated to fresh, whole, seasonal food is just what I need to fill up my soul. We always find a fun place for lunch - this year it was a hole in the wall place that served up fantastic sandwiches on ciabatta bread that we ate at a tin table on a cobblestone alley.

It is a day of girlfriends bonding, of good food being eaten, of ideas being added to our 'art form'.....we collect spices, recipes, and pantry basics to create meals for the months to come. This day has become a gift that I give myself. I spend quality, uninterrupted time with my bestie, and I get to visit all the shops that really call to me.

And most importantly, I have taken the pressure off of my husband and children. Mothers Day is now perfect. It is EXACTLY as I envision it, because I make it happen - I create it. And know what? The cards I get and what is written in them have become more personal since I have taken the pressure off of them. Why should they have to be mind readers and fulfill my idea of a perfect mothers day? That is not their job. Just as my happiness is not their job. Happiness is an internal thing - something I must find within myself. And so Mothers Day is now the same thing - it has become something I allow myself to acknowledge within myself. Instead of expecting others to tell me that I am a great mum and am appreciated, I allow myself to say that. I am a GOOD mum. I am appreciated. And I celebrate that by doing what I want to do for this entire day.

And so I come home at the end of this day and throw on a load of laundry. And maybe I cook some dinner. But do you know what? It doesn't matter, because this day was PERFECT. From the cards full of genuine words of love and adoration from my husband and children, to the exquisite gift they chose for me, to the day spent with the best friend a girl could have........

So my words to you mums out there are simply this: Mothers Day is YOUR day. Don't expect others to make it perfect, YOU need to make it what YOU envision. Take this one day to focus on yourself. After all, a mother who appreciates herself? Well, she is a better mother and is appreciated by all. Trust me. I have learned this lesson the hard way. I am blessed and loved and appreciated. But I couldn't see it until I acknowledged it myself.

Hugs to you all,

Jaye

We are the ONLY true one....

For the first 30 years of my life I belonged to a very fundamental religion. I was able to escape and have had a fantastic life since. This post isn't about bashing this particular religion (Jehovah's Witness for those who are wondering) or any religion for that matter. What this post is about is the mistaken belief that any one religion, any one group of people are the 'chosen ones'.

I have quite a few blogs that I faithfully follow. They vary in subject matter, author style, and interest. I have two that are interesting to follow when you follow them BOTH. Both are written by gals with the same religious background (not JW for those who are wondering!). One is still very active in her religion and along with her husband, they are raising their five children to be active, involved members of this sect. The other gal is a single mum of two who used to be an active member of this religion but left sometime during her college years. The juxtaposition of reading one devoted member versus the one that left makes for an interesting read. From what I can gather through their blogs, they are both funny, kind, gentle women who are great mums.

The other day I was reading the blog of the active member who is currently on vacation in Europe with her husband. Their five children are state side being looked after by various friends and family members (all of the same church!). The mums blog entries this week are in the form of letters to her children. "This is what daddy and I did today" type postings. A good, fun read......until I got to her latest post.

It seems her and her hubby went to a church of their sect in Denmark. It is a beautiful church (as most churches in Europe are...heck, any building a few hundred years old is going to be magnificent!) and this mum obviously enjoyed visiting. The pictures she took of it are great. Then she said "I love that almost anywhere you go in the world, you can find and feel the spirit that can only be felt in a ( I am leaving the name of her religion out) church". Really? So YOUR religions buildings of worship are the ONLY ones that one can feel the spirit in? How about my friends who are Catholic? Do you think they sit in church on Sunday thinking "loving the sermon, but man is the spirit lacking..I really should be a _________". NO! Every person of faith finds the comfort of the spirit in their church, or in their religious traditions. I find it very arrogant for someone to say that ONLY in THEIR religious places of worship can one feel the spirit. Arrogant, rude, and judgmental.

While I love reading this blog, I am feeling that I need to delete it from my repertoire.  I had enough of this type of 'ours is the ONLY one' bullshit when I was a JW. I feel that to keep reading her blog (which supports her and her family btw!) is to support such bigotry. Not sure I want to support someone who feels this way. Is she entitled to love her religion? Yes. Should she embrace her faith? Yes! Should she raise her children in her faith? Yes! Should she preach to all who read her blog, and teach her children that ONLY this religion has the spirit? NO...we are all walking our own path of faithfulness. No one is better or worse than another. We are all just trying to get along on this great big globe. Posts like hers do not add a positive tone to the karmic universe.

Hugs to you all,

Jaye

It took 18 years

I could write for hours on the backstory to Marks divorce. I will keep it simple. He was married very briefly before he married me and fathered a child with his ex wife. The ex wife left Mark, took their child, and moved back to Wisconsin. Appropriate legal papers were filed and life went on. Easy and smooth right? Guess again! What no one could have predicted was that his ex wife slowly unraveled over the years. She went from job to job (fired from each one for various reasons) and husband to husband (she is currently on number four!). She even moved to another country then moved back after 9 months. Through all of this, she dragged their daughter - and made life for us and for her daughter as stressful as she possibly could. Every visitation was a battle. Every phone call Mark made to their daughter was a struggle. Nothing was easy. Ever. But then nothing is easy when you are dealing with someone who has a borderline personality disorder.
But we are finished now. Their daughter is 18, she has graduated high school, and the issue of college is a moot point. It has only been a few days since the 'final' hurdle was jumped, but what a difference it has made in our home. We are not waiting for that other shoe to drop. We don't wait to see what new papers are going to be delivered to our attorneys office (we've had one on retainer for 17 years!). We can live our lives in peace now. No stress. Just calm. It is a glorious feeling and I am reveling in it.
But I am also sad. Sad that Mark and his daughter were cheated out of a good relationship. Sad that Marks daughter does not feel that she can have an open relationship with Mark and our family for fear of her mother going on a three day rant. I am sad that this child has had to have a parade of men in her life, each one being set up as 'dad' only to have him kicked out when her mother was done with them. She has had three 'dads' ripped out of her life, and that makes me sad for her. But I am a woman of Faith, and I believe that someday, somehow it will all come right again.
What makes me most happy is that I can open up this blog again and keep our family and friends up to date on our goings on - complete with pictures and commentary - without fear of it being turned into a court exhibit (yes, that happened!).
So, here is to the start of a new 'normal' for our family! A happy, stress free normal!

Hugs to you all,

Jaye