Never Settle

In the past, I have settled. For less than what I am worthy of. Or deserving of. At the time I thought it was all I deserved...or wanted....

I married young. I was 20. I married someone who is probably not a bad sort. But I didn't marry him because I loved him, or was 'in love' with him. I married him because it was what I was supposed to do. He was a 'good catch'. He was the same religion. Very active in that religion. He'd spent two years at a farm run by that religion, having donated two years of his life to this organization. He preached. He taught. He was handsome. His family was well placed and well thought of. He was perfect. And so I settled.

Throughout our ten year marriage I settled often. I put off college even though it was what I really wanted to be doing. I didn't hold down a job, because he wanted me to be a stay at home mother. Now don't get me wrong. I didn't 'settle' EVER when it came to my children. I loved being at home with them. But once our youngest was in school full time, I still stayed home. Because that is what 'he' wanted. So I settled. I took up golf even though I hated it. I REALLY wanted to go canoeing..or hiking...or pretty much ANYTHING but golfing. But I didn't. I settled. I became a scuba diver because he wanted a dive buddy. I agreed on the house plan he wanted in the neighborhood he chose. It wasn't a BAD house design or a BAD neighborhood..but I deferred to him...I settled.

I stayed in the religion I was raised in and that he and his family belonged to. I didn't believe most of what they preached . But I stayed. After all, it wasn't ALL bad. Again. I settled. I seemed to have gotten comfortable living in a rut. Living life safe. Settling.

Then he started making poor choices. Choices that severely impacted me. Choices that left me unsafe to be with him. The day he raised his hand to hit me for the first and ONLY time, I stopped settling.

I got a job. A GOOD job! I moved out and found a GREAT house (one I LOVED!). I started hiking. I started running and weight lifting. My brother moved in with me and for the first time we really got to know each other (he is ten years younger than I am!).

I also stopped settling with my religion. I left it. Cold turkey. Told the body of Elders one day that I was done. This was HUGE. This was life altering. It meant I lost most of my friends and my family. My mother hasn't spoken to me more than ten times in the past 15 years. I lost life long 'friends'. I was shunned. I was whispered about. I was left swinging in the wind for this choice. But I had finally STOPPED SETTLING!

What did I discover when I finally stopped settling? I found out that I DID like scuba diving! I found out that I liked being an 'almost' vegetarian! I found out who my TRUE friends were (and you are reading this now and you know who you are!). I found out that I was smart (graduated College with a 3.9 GPA!). I found out that I was GREAT at working with people and that I could make a great living. I found that I loved cats and hated dogs (sorry dog lovers!). I found MYSELF!!! I found out who I was. Who I was MEANT to be. I found my way to emotional health. I found my way to being a great mother..to being a great friend...to being a great ME.

And then LOVE found me. A love I didn't have to 'settle' for. I found a man who loved me for who I was. At the very beginning of 'us' I told him "This is who I am. These are the things I like to do. I won't give them up or change". His response? 'GREAT! Here are the things I like to do and this is who I am!". And he loved me. No strings. No ultimatums. No threats. No insults. No fear. No settling. This man who I didn't 'settle' for, loves me no matter what. He supports me in anything I want to try to do. He makes me laugh. He makes me sigh. He makes my day. But I have never in the 13 years we've been together, EVER had to settle.

So what brought this whole long blogathon on? Well...I've really been working out at the gym lately. I mean WORKING OUT. I have a personal trainer (she is a professional, competitive body builder and personal trainer!). I have changed the way I eat. I make better choices. I have stopped settling for a mediocre body. I am going after a leaner, meaner, sexier me. I used to eat whatever came my way. Now I make all the right choices. Over Easter I had NO candy. In years past, I would eat anything with the word "Chocolate" on it. Now, nope. Nothing tastes better than thin feels. But tonight, I had a piece..a very small piece, of the worlds BEST chocolate ganache fudge cake. It was the BEST of cakes. And one small slice of this cake...one very TINY slice, was more satisfying than a whole BASKET of Easter chocolate.

See what happens when you stop settling and only go for the best? :)

Hugs to all,

Jaye