There is a new article on CNN tonight that talks about a new statistic released by the March Of Dimes organization. It states that more than 1 million premature babies die before they are a month old. Its a staggering statistic....but one that really put something into perspective for me. As most of you know, my 18 year old son Sam was a twin. His brother Brian died in utero at 32 weeks, and Sam was born 8 weeks premature weighing a whopping 4lbs 4ounces, which is actually quite heavy for 8 weeks early AND a twin. However, I couldn't help but think during that time that I was 'supposed' to have twins. I had to mourn that loss. How come it happened to ME? WHY? Why did MY son die? How come women all over the place seemed to be having twins, while MINE had died? It seemed that everywhere I looked, there were sets of twins. Even people who didn't want ONE baby seemed to have conceived twins and given birth to them successfully...heck, there was a mother in the hospital with me who'd managed to give birth to TRIPLETS! It was a hard time in my life and I deeply mourned the loss of my son..even though I did it silently.
After having read this article tonight....18 years later..I realize how LUCKY I was to have Sam survive. Yes, we lost his brother...and that was a sad thing. But we could have lost Sam too, and I just never realized the stats on such a preemie baby actually MAKING it. So my healing has come full circle. From 'why ME?' to 'Wow....ME...I got to have my son live!'.
Truly fortunate...
Hugs to all,
Jaye
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